托福寫作題目：20年后人們將使用比現在更少的車
最近托福考試可真是不太平啊~~先是閱讀出現了ABC卷，讓備考的小伙伴們應接不暇;緊接著4月底考試的寶寶們就跟老師哭訴：寫作再也不是我們認識的寫作了!
首先，綜合寫作改套路了，聽力不再去反駁閱讀了，而是去回答閱讀中的問題。而獨立寫作的題目里竟然出現了一行小字： Be sure to use your own words. Do not use memorized example. 哦買尷!這簡直就是繼乒乓球由小改大后專為淪陷亞洲人而設計的規則變更嘛!帝國主義亡我之心不死啊!
寶寶們別慌。今天，我們就來給各位獻上高分作文剖析。
(閱讀提示：請大家先整體讀一遍TPO35的題目及范文，后面會有我的分段解析)
TPO 35
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
大神文章：
The Earth today faces many problems. Among these problems, the top three, in some people's perspective, are probably global warming, pollution and energy crisis. All three, if we really look into them, can be connected with the pervasive use of private cars. It is because of this, I agree with the statement that there will be fewer cars in twenty years comparing with today.
First of all, people will definitely use fewer cars. If we look at the global media, we are seeing an increasing consciousness on environmental problems. Be it the famous documentay by Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, or the "Earth One Hour" movement. They all indicate a global consensus: "We need to help the environment". So what's the easiest way to help? Using fewer cars. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Environmental Conservation in China, more than 40 percent of carbon dioxide produced by individuals are from private cars. If the trend of eco-friendly consciousness continues to grow in the next 20 years, people will, without a doubt, use fewer and fewer cars. So, in a nutshell, the first reason why people will drive less in twenty years is because they will be more environmentally-concerned.
Another key aspect is that, in twenty years, there will be fewer people in the world. If there are fewer people in the world, of course there will be fewer cars. If we are sensitive to global trends, we can see that a lot of countries in the world are facing a decrease in population. The biggest contributors to population growth, China and India, are also experiencing a decrease in the rate of population increase. In 20 years, I am confident that there will be, without a doubt, fewer people in the world. In this case, there will be a decrease in the needs of transportation. So, it is logical to assume that there will be fewer cars in the world twenty years from now.
A final argument I want to make is based on the ever developing technology. In the past twenty years, we have seen tremendous innovations taken place in the field of transportation. From high-speed trains to cars that run on electric, there is simply no telling what might happen twenty years from now. Considering how much we have achieved in the past twenty years, it is not so improbable for me to say that we might not even need cars in the near future. Who's to say that we won't be traveling on more efficient vehicles? Or maybe public transportation may become so convenient that we won't even consider using private transportation ever again? The fact is, we cannot deny these possibilities for they are very likely to happen. In this light, I am definitely supportive of the view that there will be fewer cars in the future.
From my arguments above, I think I am very optimistic about the future. I believe that, in twenty years, we will be living in a society with much fewer cars. And I am looking forward to that future.
OG里5分作文的評分標準
首先我們來破題。
這是傳統的獨立寫作題型，由三句話組成：第一句 “Do you agree or disagree with the following statement”是考生要完成的task，第二句 “In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today”是寫作話題topic，第三句 “Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer” 是題目給你的requirement。所有考生都知道一篇作文必須“扣題”，在托福作文里就是去扣這三句話。這樣一說，你是不是立馬理解了5分標準里的前兩條了?
第一條“Effectively addresses the topic and task”，就是指扣題目里的前兩句話。 第二條“Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications and/or details” 就是扣題目里的第三句話。讀到這里，請各位寶寶們反思一句：扣題，你真的做到了嗎?
因此，我們在寫這道題時，就一定要緊緊扣住“20年后人們將使用比現在更少的車”這個話題，并呈現這樣的分段：開頭段一定要提出自己是否同意這個觀點，正文段用reasons和examples去論證自己的觀點，再用結尾段收束整篇文章，搞定。
再看看姚神的，啊呀，與我的分段方式不謀而合呢!開頭段立論，3個正文段發展，結尾段收束——完美!有沒有發現很好地符合了5分標準第二條里面的“is well organized”?童鞋們現在還敢不敢亂分段了?哼(傲嬌臉)。哈哈，接下來再細看每一段吧~
文章分析
01
The Earth today faces many problems. Among these problems, the top three, in some people's perspective, are probably global warming, pollution and energy crisis. All three, if we really look into them, can be connected with the pervasive use of private cars. It is because of this, I agree with the statement that there will be fewer cars in twenty years comparing with today.
開頭段最核心的功能是“立論”，也即回答題目的第一句話，表明自己的觀點是同意還是不同意。姚神開頭段的最后一句就是個明確的立論：同意題目觀點。當然姚神在立論前還做了lead-in，作用是告訴大家寫這篇文章的背景，引起讀者興趣。不過請注意，各位同學可別硬拽高端寫法。如果你的打字速度呵呵噠，那么為師強烈建議第一段直接立論;否則正文段沒時間好好寫，那可就得不償失啦。
02
First of all, people will definitely use fewer cars. If we look at the global media, we are seeing an increasing consciousness on environmental problems. Be it the famous documentay by Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, or the "Earth One Hour" movement. They all indicate a global consensus: "We need to help the environment". So what's the easiest way to help? Using fewer cars. According to a survey conducted by the Ministry of Environmental Conservation in China, more than 40 percent of carbon dioxide produced by individuals are from private cars. If the trend of eco-friendly consciousness continues to grow in the next 20 years, people will, without a doubt, use fewer and fewer cars. So, in a nutshell, the first reason why people will drive less in twenty years is because they will be more environmentally-concerned.
正文段的作用是啥?論證你的觀點。換句話說，論證你的第一段立論。你第一段立的啥論，后面就要一門心思去證明它。如果正文段與第一段沒有完美印證，而是走歪了，那就違反了5分標準里第三條的第一個詞 “unity”(統一、一致)。此外，用啥論證?題目要求里不說了么，reasons and examples. 看看姚神這段，以段落中部的according to a survey為分界點，前面是reason，后面是example，是不是正中5分標準的下懷呢?曾經有同學問我：“老師，一定要寫example嗎?我覺得老寫my cousin Tom好low啊……”答案請見姚神作文，example不一定非要寫cousin Tom或者隔壁老王嘛，你也可以寫一個survey啊。當然，前提是，你真真切切地了解一個真實的survey，你可別到考場上自己胡編亂造啊。胡編亂造的最大特別就是細節缺失，而考場臨時湊出來的survey絕對會細節缺失，一看就是假的，想給你分都難啊!
最后，嘿嘿，不得不請大家注意一下，有木有發現姚神第3句的documentary打錯了，少了個字母 “r”?哈哈，其實呢，這種不影響讀者理解的小筆誤，就是5分標準里第四條的minor lexical errors(微小的單詞錯誤)，是不會影響你拿滿分噠!
03
Another key aspect is that, in twenty years, there will be fewer people in the world. If there are fewer people in the world, of course there will be fewer cars. If we are sensitive to global trends, we can see that a lot of countries in the world are facing a decrease in population. The biggest contributors to population growth, China and India, are also experiencing a decrease in the rate of population increase. In 20 years, I am confident that there will be, without a doubt, fewer people in the world. In this case, there will be a decrease in the needs of transportation. So, it is logical to assume that there will be fewer cars in the world twenty years from now.
再看姚神的第二個正文段。大家細看一下我挑出來的這些詞：another key aspect, if, in 20 years, in this case, so. 有沒有發現有啥共同點?沒錯，它們都有連接作用，凸顯前后文邏輯。很多同學在表達觀點時，不擅長使用連接詞，導致觀點之間邏輯不緊密，讓人感覺不到在一步步論證自己的觀點。這就與5分標準第三條里的兩個詞 “progression(進展)”和 “coherence(連貫)”相悖。當然，如果你寫了一堆連接詞，但其實句意根本不是那層邏輯，那也是完全沒用的。比如：“我喜歡吃蘋果，所以我媽種了很多桔子。”這個句子里確實有連接詞“所以”，然而這邏輯——這位同學是在逗我嗎?你好歹也要加個背景“我是撿來的”吧!
04
A final argument I want to make is based on the ever developing technology. In the past twenty years, we have seen tremendous innovations taken place in the field of transportation. From high-speed trains to cars that run on electric, there is simply no telling what might happen twenty years from now. Considering how much we have achieved in the past twenty years, it is not so improbable for me to say that we might not even need cars in the near future. Who's to say that we won't be traveling on more efficient vehicles? Or maybe public transportation may become so convenient that we won't even consider using private transportation ever again? The fact is, we cannot deny these possibilities for they are very likely to happen. In this light, I am definitely supportive of the view that there will be fewer cars in the future.
第三個正文段——說到這會有同學打斷我：“老師，我能不能只寫兩個正文段?”可以呀，大家看姚神這篇作文511個字，是大家在考場上能望其項背的么?能打400字就是考神附體了好么!所以，只寫兩個正文段，只要扣題了，發展清楚了，沒有問題噠~~另外說下姚神這段的語言，用了兩個rhetorical questions修辭性疑問句，在漢語里我們稱之為“反問句”或“設問句”。這非常好地滿足了5分標準里第四條的syntactic variety句法多樣性。說到這里，有沒有發現姚神這篇作文真的是360度全景符合5分標準呢!
05
From my arguments above, I think I am very optimistic about the future. I believe that, in twenty years, we will be living in a society with much fewer cars. And I am looking forward to that future.
再看最后一段，最后一段其實在托福寫作中的作用不大，收束全文再次點題即可。姚神的這段結尾除了中規中矩地收束以外，還加了句對未來的展望 “I am looking forward to that future”。但是還是提醒大家別在展望上寫太多哈，為師擔心你把展望寫成了一個新觀點，但卻沒有展開它，那可就違背了well developed這一點啦。還是那句老話，高端寫法別硬拽，乖乖把時間留下來去發展正文段吧~
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